The Woodland Creatures Discuss Fundamental Ontology
This is intended as a light-hearted look at ourselves as scientists, philosophers, and thinkers as we grapple with each other, our cherished ideas, and ultimately the nature of reality. Enjoy!
The First Woodland Ontology Conference
“The first Woodland Ontology Conference shall come to order!” intoned Owl. “We will now discuss fundamental ontology.”
“What is fundamental ontology?” whispered Mouse.
“It means what is most real, the thing everything is made of or depends on,” Rabbit whispered back.
Owl’s eyes fell on the whisperers.
“Hmm…” whispered Mouse, confused. “Why didn’t he just say that?”
“It’s the standard nomenclature relevant to the domain,” responded Owl.
“What does that mean?” whispered Mouse desperately, eyes shining with confusion.
“He’s saying it’s the correct and normal way to say things here,” Rabbit whispered back.
“But … what … I …” stammered Mouse.
“The conference is in session!” Owl declared. “Who would like to go first?”
“I will,” said Golden Fox. “Obviously, the thing that makes up everything is the smallest thing. Easy and simple. Case closed. We can all go home.”
“Yes,” said Silver Fox. “Like LEGO bricks or Minecraft blocks, the little things that make up everything. So, molecules.”
“Right, but no, birdbrain,” said Golden Fox. “It’s atoms. Molecules are made of atoms.”
Owl’s feathers ruffled.
“Actually,” said White Fox, “atoms are made of protons, neutrons, and electrons.”
“Made from quarks, right, Mom?” asked Baby White Fox. “But what are quarks made of?”
The foxes put their heads together and whispered among themselves.
They turned back to the conference.
“It’s atoms,” said Golden Fox.
“It’s quarks,” said White Fox at exactly the same time.
The rest of the woodland creatures stared blankly at them.
“It’s the universe,” said Turtle slowly after a pause. “The fundamental thing, the thing everything is made from, is the universe itself.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” said Silver Fox. “Obviously the universe is made up of…” He gestured broadly. “Stuff.”
“The universe is like a Mandelbrot set,” continued Turtle without seeming to notice. “You can zoom in and find patterns inside patterns. But those patterns aren’t little blocks that were put together to make it. They are what the actual thing looks like up close. And maybe turtles and foxes and atoms and leaves are like that.”
He paused, watching a leaf flutter to the ground. Nobody was quite sure whether he had finished.
Snake shifted, coiled and uncoiled, and then flicked his tongue.
“You’re all wrong,” said Snake. “The universe and everything in it are manifestations of one mind. Everything we see, taste, touch, or feel exists in mind. Not your individual mind, but mind itself. Being is the one true reality, and everything else emerges within it.”
There was silence for a moment.
“What?” scoffed Raccoon. “Everything is just in my mind? Like this stick is part of my mind?” he asked, twirling a twig over his head.
“Not your mind,” said Snake, drawing back. “THE mind. Universal mind. Now put that down.”
Owl scowled at Raccoon.
“This is ridiculous,” snapped Raccoon. “There isn’t one main real thing, there are lots of different things!”
“Molecules!” shouted Silver Fox.
“Decorum! Decorum!” boomed Owl. “Does anyone have anything substantive to add?”
After a pause, he continued, “If not, the first Woodland Ontology Conference is adjourned!”
“We did it!” exulted Guinea Pig.
“I don’t know what any of that even means,” moaned Mouse, looking forlorn.
“It’s okay,” said Rabbit. “I had a good time here with you.”
“You did?” asked Mouse.
Rabbit nodded.
“Well, good,” said Mouse, brightening. “I did too. Thank you for answering my questions.”
“Bye, Rabbit.”
“Bye, Mouse.”
A Few Days Later
“It’s actually all vibrating energy,” said White Fox.
Snake nodded.
“Or, more precisely, excitations of quantum fields,” continued White Fox.
“How many quantum fields are there?” asked Baby White Fox.
Rabbit glanced up from the tea that Mouse was pouring.
White Fox sighed.